2010… Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out!

As 2010 comes to end, I can’t say that I’m particularly upset to see this year go. It started off promising enough but as the year continued it seemed to get worse and worse. It started with my car accident in the end of July and then just snowballed from there. Being put on the transplant list, getting hospitalized, losing my Mom, and not being able to drive my new car (my beautiful VW CC Sport that now sits in my driveway and taunts me) are just a few things that happened in the last 4 months of the year, making it the most difficult time of my life. I’m so grateful to have such a great family and group of friends to help me get through it. There is no way I could have gotten through these without you guys.

Although there were a lot of downs, there were some pretty good ups as well. My brother got married in May and I’m so happy to officially have her part of the family. Also, my friends Danielle and Pete got married in June. I was so happy to see them tie the knot! I also had a great trip down to Washington DC in July with the Petrullo’s. We were only there for four days but we saw so much! We even managed to get a tour of The White House which was so cool. I’m such a dork when it comes to that stuff. I also had a ton of great memories with my friends and was pleasantly surprised to have some come back into my life. I've made a little slide show (below) of some pictures of the past 12 months. I did it quickly so the transitions are a little boring but you get the idea... Enjoy!

I’m looking forward to 2011 being a year filled with triumphs. I hope I get my new heart soon. The TV show Grey’s Anatomy called New Years Eve “organ-palooza.” So as awful as it is to think about, there is chance I could get my heart in the near future. If not, I have a check-up down in Philly on January 11. I will let you all know how that goes.

I hope that all of you had a Merry Christmas and have a very Happy and Healthy New Year. Remember, life is short so continue to live each day to it’s fullest. Thanks again for all you guys have and continue to do for me.

No New News...

Just finished with my check-up and everything is "good." I think that their definition of good differs from mine. Although I am not as tired as I was before Thanksgiving, I am more tired than I was right after they changed increased my Milrinone. They said that working a full week is probably why I'm increasingly tired by the end of they week and recommend that I decrease my hours to about four days a week. I will talk to Lauren tomorrow but I don't see it as being a problem.


I have another appointment on January 11th and then they say I will go to a true 4 week schedule. They want me to meet with the transplant psychologist so I have some kind of relationship with him. That will make it easier for him to see me in the hospital post transplant.


So that's pretty much all that is new. I've been listed for about four months now so hopefully I will get a heart soon. I wouldn't mind spending Christmas in the hospital if it was because I got a new heart. The doctors said that the average wait would be about six months but I still hope it comes sooner rather than later. As usual, I will keep you all posted if anything changes.




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My Heartbeat Beats Me Senselessly...

Oh, where to begin... Nothing major has happened since I went to the doctor last week (aside from today's incident). I've just been feeling a lot of anxiety the past week or so. They gave me some medication to help me sleep at night which has helped for the most part. I've been feeling a lot anxiety during the day now. I think it's the same amount I've always had but I'm just hypersensitive to it now that I have time without it (even if it is while I'm sleeping). It tends to hit me like a brick wall during the day. I spoke with the social worker with my Transplant team on Friday and she assured me that everything I'm feeling in regards to waiting for a heart is perfectly normal. She said losing my Mom in the middle of all this as well as the added stress of the holiday season is probably making things slightly harder for me. She's going to call me tomorrow and we're going to find someone up here that I can talk to about things. As most of you know, I usually answer "How are you feeling?" with "Good" or "Ok" even if I really feel like crawling into a ball and crying. I guess it's just a defense mechanism. There are so many people who seem to care about how I am feeling it tends to get a bit over whelming. It's not that I am ungrateful for all the support everyone has shown. It's just the constant "How are you doing?" remind me of everything I'm going through. And sometimes I just don't want to think about it.

As another reminder of everything I'm going through, this afternoon I was having some palpitations that where quite annoying. It would feel like my heart was fluttering and then the air would be sucked out of my lungs. It's happened once or twice before but today it was a little more regular. I guess an irregular heartbeat is regular for me because I left work a little early and after speaking with the Nurse Practitioner down in Philly I went to my cardiologist up here just to make sure everything was ok. He kept his office open late for me since I would be arriving after his normal office hours. I love rolling into a doctor's office or hospital VIP style. Lol. Anyway, my EKG was fine. My blood pressure was 90 over 60 which would be low on most people but is normal for me. He interrogated my pacemaker and it didn't show any events for today. I did have some activity on December 1st at about 2am but I must have slept through it. He said he would let my electrophysiologist up here as well as the team in Philly know what he found. Or I guess what he didn't find. It's frustrating that I have the "incidents" and they don't show up on anything or never seem to happen when I'm hooked up to a monitor. It makes me feel like the boy who cried wolf. Which adds to the anxiety and brings it all full circle. I was told recently that it's ok for me to show emotion through all this. I don't always have to be a rock. And I'm starting to learn that it's true.

December checkup

I just got done with my monthly checkup and we're on our way home. Everything went fine. No changes or anything. They put me on a new medication earlier in the week to help with anxiety and to help me sleep at night. It seems to be working already. Hopefully it continues to work. They want to see me again in 3 weeks. My appointment is on December 21st. We hadn't expected to have to come down the week of Christmas but looks like we are. Maybe there will be a Christmas miracle and I will get a new heart before then. I can dream... As usual, I'll keep you all posted if anything changes or something major happens.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad